Emotions…who’s in charge?
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could say and do whatever we want without any repercussions? Why don’t we?
Short of breaking the law, we have the right to do what we want and say how we feel. So what’s stopping us?
When someone gets on our nerves, why do we bite our tongue?
When work isn’t going our way, why do we keep ourselves from telling our bosses how we feel?
Self-regulation is the ability to tolerate various experiences and stress while keeping our emotions in check. It is the key to resisting our natural impulses; if given into may impact our situation negatively. Self-regulation is diminishing the effect our emotions have on us. It is the ability to manage emotions to effectively navigate negative events and challenges.
Self-regulation involves pausing between a feeling and an action. Taking the time to feel, process, and understand our emotions allows us to control our impulses. We can then make a plan for the best way to move forward. It allows us to bounce back from challenging events and stay calm under pressure. Emotions are not good or bad. Emotions are our natural response to the stimuli around us. Negative impact occurs when we attach negative thoughts, actions, and behaviors to our emotions. When we experience an emotion take the steps to analyze the experience, the resulting emotion, and make a rational decision on the course of action that will result in a beneficial outcome.
“Self-control – what lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.”
Throughout our day we experience non-stop stimuli. Driving, listening to the radio, scrolling social media, speaking to our kids, watching TV, reading a book, having coffee with a friend… All of these experiences while common and ordinary generate an emotional response in us. Has an emotional reaction to an ordinary event ever caught you off guard? Did the emotion lodge deep in your body and get in the way of getting anything accomplished? This happens to everyone and it displays the control our emotions have over us. You shouldn’t, and most likely can’t, stop feeling emotions. However, you can choose how you react to them and the impact they have on you. The impulsive mind reacts immediately to an emotion that is triggered by an experience, frequently generating an unfavorable outcome. The logical mind will ignore the emotion while analyzing the situation and calculate the best course of action. The wise mind will feel and experience the emotion, then will observe the situation rationally and respond in the most beneficial way for that situation.
Self-regulation is the ultimate self-control. Either we control ourselves or someone else will control us. Allowing people and experiences to dictate how we react gives away all of our power.
“Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.”
No matter how we feel, we are always responsible for our behavior. We have the power to consciously choose how we act in any given situation. Emotions arise from experiences that could be present, past, or imagined. Pause between the emotion and the action, and analyze the resulting consequence of acting on our impulse. This strategy will help us understand if our action will have a positive or a negative impact and what is the best course of action.
We all have triggers, these are experiences that cause us to want to let our emotions take control and react impulsively, usually in ways that will have negative consequences. How do we control our actions when we are triggered and have an urge to act? Being aware of the behavioral impulse that arises with each emotional state is helpful to control our impulses.
Finish the following sentences to help create self-awareness around your triggers.
It makes me angry when...
I do not like it when people...
I feel offended when...
I think it is rude to...
When you experience a trigger…
What happens in your body?
What thoughts go through your mind?
What emotions frequently show up?
How do you typically react?
What are your coping strategies?
How effective are your coping strategies at solving the issue in question?
What happens as a result of coping in this way?
What did you learn about yourself?
Now that you have created some awareness around your triggers and the associated emotional response, what’s next?
Analyze your relationships and experiences and seek to reduce triggering situations. If the same occurrences keep producing similar negative outcomes maybe it’s time to cut ties.
Keep a journal detailing daily triggers, your associated coping strategy and its effectiveness.
After several weeks of data review your findings to determine which coping strategy needs to change and which is the most beneficial.
If needed, seek outside support to help you minimize your response to triggers, manage stress, and build resilience.
Mastering self-regulation is crucial to achieving happiness and success. It is the key to maintaining healthy relationships, having a positive work environment, and general well-being.
Thank you for reading!
With gratitude,
Polina
