Remember to include YOU on your to-do list
Societal expectations to “do it all” has put undue pressure and stress on women leaving us feeling like we are not good enough no matter how much we do. As a personal experience, the constant pull to always be producing often leaves me unfocused and detached. Instead of enjoying a few minutes of free time, I am thinking about what I should be doing instead. When playing with my kids I am worrying about all the laundry that needs to be folded or work that isn’t getting done. As a result, the ability to enjoy being in the moment is compromised. The endless to-do lists do not contain a line item for ME. When we do choose to take time for ourselves we feel undeserving and guilty about it. When will prioritizing us be on top of our to-do list?
After a few years of being a mom and neglecting my needs, I decided to be more selfish. I now prioritize time every day to re-energize mentally and physically so I can be the best version of myself. As it turns out ME time is essential for EVERYTHING ELSE time.
The truth is, we all spread ourselves thin taking on too many obligations. Putting everyone else’s needs first often leads to us neglecting our own and becoming frustrated, resentful, and burnt out in the process. We spend all of our time and energy on others leaving us unfulfilled with an empty tank.
We say YES to everything and everyone (but ourselves), fearing that saying NO will mean that we are being selfish. We think noticing how we feel and attending to our needs means we are being selfish. We think women should be martyrs, we are only worthy if we are suffering. Ultimately this means that we place a greater value on others than we do on ourselves.
There is a negative connotation to the word selfish. We believe that if we care for ourselves that implies that we do not care for, or about, other people. On the contrary, the two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, self-care is selfless. Self-care is an act of self-respect. Respect your mind and body so you can live with intention, purpose, and authenticity. Our body is a vessel for energy, if we give it all away we are left depleted and weak, unable to be our best self for everyone else. Refilling our bucket through self-care strengthens our physical and mental capacity to support others.
Self-care is an integral part of resilience. It allows you to navigate adversity and thrive in times of stress. Self-care looks different for everyone. Determine what you need to fuel you and focus on dedicating time and space in your life for yourself.
How to make more space for yourself:
Listen to your body. No one knows what you need more than you. Listen to your body for signs of stress and burnout. Schedule regular ME time so you can maintain a full tank.
Wants over obligations. Do more of what you want to do vs. what you have to do. When you do more of what you want you will feel more energized to be empathetic and helpful towards others. Showing up for yourself will allow you to show up for everyone else without overwhelm and resentment.
Set healthy boundaries. You are not responsible to fulfill everyone else’s expectations of you. Don’t jeopardize your standards to make other people happy. Start saying NO to the things that don’t fit with your intentions and your life. Determine your values and live in alignment with them.
Don’t think of self-care as selfish. A healthy you is more important than an always-available you. I’m not suggesting ignoring your family, friends, and work. I am suggesting that you include yourself in that equation as well.
Self-care is LOVE. Stop neglecting yourself. Care for and love yourself the way you want others to. Taking care of yourself is demonstrating to your family, friends, and coworkers that you also matter. We teach kindness to others but we often forget to practice self-kindness. By practicing self-care you are leading by example. You are not a doormat and deserve kindness, care, love, and respect just like everyone else.
Thank you for reading. May everyone stay happy, healthy, safe and sane.
With gratitude,
Polina
